September 5th 2017

Post-Mortem: College

My first day went well.

Positives:

  • I’m going to be learning Java and a touch of C this semester, and the professor is great.
  • My calculus teacher taught me about Limits in a single class period. The significance of this to me is that my highschool math teacher would have explained the same topic in at least two class periods, and I would have left with a lot of questions.
  • I don’t have to blow a lot of money on books (thank the Lord) but I do need to buy an access code for my Calculus homework and that’s very very expensive.

Negatives:

  • My history class is a bit of a rot. Lots of silence. I don’t know for sure yet.
  • My English teacher bailed on us and left us looking for answers as to what happened for like 20 minutes. We thought her room changed, then we were told it wasn’t, then we were told it was, and then we ultimately found out the class was cancelled altogether today. Perhaps when I return on Thursday I will have better results.
  • The school’s wireless network requires that we install some mandatory software to our computers so the school can verify the computers “meet standards” before they are given network access. This brings along so many more problems than it solves, including:
    • Am I going to get stalked by the security software while I’m at home, browsing the web at my own leisure?
    • Does the software even contain anything that can stalk me or run in the background?
    • The software requires that I have an AV installed (and it scans my system to see if I have it first) and I am profusely against using antiviruses. MBAM is an option, but only the Pro version.
    • The software only runs on Windows, which leaves Mac, Linux and any other OS in the dust. It attempts to download an .exe upon loading the login page. Am I not allowed to connect a Linux machine, or a MacBook to Wi-Fi?
  • I’m given very little time to eat food. 10-15 minutes if I’m lucky. Better eat up before school starts.

These are my first impressions. I didn’t have a bad day at all. Nor was it particularly amazing. Just feels like a weird, upgraded extension of highschool.

September 4th 2017

College

I start college tomorrow. (So are a lot of people I know.) I know it’s nothing that special, especially considering it’s community college, but I can’t help but feel bittersweet.

I have CIS123 (Object Oriented Concepts), on Mondays, while I have CIS157 (JAVA I),  ENG101 (Comp I), HST111 (West & The World I), and MTH214 (Calc I) on Tuesdays + Thursdays. Currently, I’m trying to figure out how I’m supposed to juggle work and school and keep a consistent GPA while still have enough money to pay for my vehicle.

I’m getting my associate’s in Computer Information Systems/CS, then transferring to a school around the Boston area in two years. I’ll also be moving out. Maybe. I can’t determine what my two-years-from-now self will accomplish.

Current plan is to ditch Twitter from my life. It’s a distraction and an unnecessary piece of my life. I am pleased with a blog where I can write my thoughts down in a journal-like format for myself without having to deal with other people’s posts/problems. I’ve deleted the Twitter app from my phone and removed the Twitter bookmark from my Chrome. Trying to self-improve here.

I will report back tomorrow (hopefully) with details on how the day went. I have work tomorrow too. I’ll be up for like 13 hours working either at school or at my job. I hope this doesn’t happen often because it seriously sucks. I need to talk with my boss.

“The future tends to unfold as it should… well, at least I think it does.”

September 1st 2017

Balance

I find it incredibly difficult to deal with emotional situations. I’ve been told on many occasions I’m emotionless or robotic because I rarely ever feel sad to the point where I can’t think straight, I don’t get angry. When I receive a lot of complements my reaction is usually just a boring old “thanks.” It seems to others that I don’t express myself a lot. This is actually one of my biggest flaws as a person and it’s something I actually get pretty insecure about.

If I’m put into a situation where I have to comfort somebody, I have a very difficult time expressing blank comfort. I think the biggest reason for this is because my mind rejects blank comfort when it’s directed at me. By blank comfort I mean stuff like “aw, I’m so sorry! Everything’s going to be fine!” I always prefer advice. The most useful situations in my life have been where I’ve been either scolded by someone, been given advice, been given a story, or have been made fun of. So in my mind, when people are in a less-than-optimal situation, my immediate response isn’t to give them blank comfort, but rather “you know, I was once in a similar situation, and here’s how I dealt with it”

Do I consider this a problem? Yes. And the reason I consider it a problem is because not everybody wants to hear it. They just want the comfort and somebody who will listen. So I zip my lips and do so, and hear them out. But I can’t help but feel completely useless. My mind tells me, they’re just gonna run into the same situation again! Over and over! I know how they can avoid it and I want to tell them so badly!

It’s an imbalance in my mind. You can’t really have one and the other at the same time, so it’s either one or the other. What am I supposed to do about it?

On a related note, I think it is incredibly important to have a level of social intelligence. By this I mean the sense of knowing a little bit of psychology. It isn’t something you can learn in a class or can be taught in a book but it’s something only gained from working with people with all different social classes, different cultures, different lifestyles. Nobody is the same. Working retail myself, simply judging by a simple “hi, how are you? did you find everything OK today?” I can understand a lot about a person. Judging by the things they bring up to the register, I can understand a lot about a person. You don’t even need to be in retail to understand things about anyone, just notice little things like their dialect, words and actions, ways they interact with you. Compare one person to another’s in terms of those things. Some minds might be similar. A lot of minds might be different. I can’t really explain. I just believe it’s important to try and understand people. It seems like basic common knowledge but understanding how people work is one of the most important things you can do in life. Without a basic understanding of psychology I find you’ll run into a lot of problems socially.

I myself am still working on this daily and I try to understand people’s backgrounds and scenarios as best as possible. I can’t imagine the best ways of dealing with situations if I don’t understand where a person is coming from.

Overall, my mind works around logic, not emotion. I solve problems in the most practical way, not in the way that’s easiest to deal with (/for everyone involved).

But really, the best thing in any scenario, including mine, is balance.